It is an outrage that they only have Divergent in boxed sets. This is America, dang it, and I want to read teen apocalyptic fiction for free. This is why Barnes and Noble has stuck around while you have slowly died out, Books-a-Million.
I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. I'm just looking for things to be upset about.
When I have free time in a bookstore, it comes to this. It's a mix of joy for finally having time and sadness because I can never focus on anything for too long. Kinda like my life right now.
Christmas break was fun at first. A much needed break. But now, I'm at a loss. I'm reminded when there is nothing to do that I can focus on nothing unless I'm forced or guilt-tripped or anxiety-d into it.
All these books to read and movies to watch and plans to fulfill and I just...can't.
This is just a day. Just a day that needs to be forgotten.
I used to have days like this all the time. No job, no schoolwork, just filling my life with useless little gimmicks to pass the time.
I don't want to be like that anymore. I hated myself then and I refuse to do that anymore.
So I'm gonna go home. And force myself to read a book. I will make creme brûlée because it makes my mom happy. I will print out my class syllabi. I will learn my lines for the shows in which I am participating.
Lack of focus does not mean loss of purpose. It's just a phase, just a day, just a moment of sadness.
And now it's done.
