Serving Myself

About nine months ago, I made the official switch from student to volunteer in my church's youth group.  I have gotten to be a small group leader and have some of the sweetest middle-schoolers in my care.  Along with that, I serve pizza before service and volunteer for whatever jobs need to be done.

Now for me, this is ideal.  I love to be busy, and I was born to help.
Need that table moved? I'll do it.
You're hungry? I'm getting you food.
It's raining and you forgot your jacket? Well then you can just go ahead and take mine.

I am the one who gives.  Basically, whatever need you have, I will try and fill it.

BUT.
But.
In my working, I have overlooked the very thing that drives me: my pride.

I never would have thought that egotism would be an issue for me.
"Only mean people are prideful, and I'm not mean.  I am sweet and helpful and loyal and loving and...oh...I see."  I've built myself up so high through the work that I do.

 I have spent so long just doing whatever I could to please, and I never examined why I do it.

I go so fast so I can look at those who aren't doing the same and smirk at their "laziness."
I do odd jobs because that's easier than looking at the problems people are facing.
I refuse the help of others because they can't do anything as well as I can.
I "serve so hard" because I like the recognition I get.

 "In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. (Psalms 10:4)"

As long as I serve myself, for my own gain, my heart will go on being prideful.  
When I keep on pushing without letting people help me in return, I will slowly get more and more bitter.  
If I keep building myself up through the work God has blessed me with, I will keep falling farther from Him.

I am the one who gives, but I need God to fill me first.

-Aidan

You can follow me for more updates on my upcoming DTS, and support me at youcaring.com/iwillgosendme :)